3 Lessons That “Time” Will Teach You About Marriage
By Dr. Patty Ann Tublin
There are few things as wonderful as young love, especially when it happens in Spring! Remember when you first met the partner of your dreams?Everything felt so alive, right? You probably felt a general blissful wonder while your endorphins ran on high. Every time you saw or thought of your sweetie, the butterflies churned, and your heart thump, thump, thumped at the mere thought of your new love! Then as time went on, those butterflies took flight and found other couples ready to relish in young love, while you and your partner resigned to be grouchy and cranky in “old” love.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you grew up with old fashioned stories about relationships based on minimum effort, on necessity or convenience, these three truths will help you understand that there are some key things you have to do to truly live happily ever after.
1. When you marry your mate, you marry their family! When two people come together, how can they not be impacted by each other’s families unless they run as far as they can in the opposite direction and have no contact with them at all?! Remember the character Michael in the movie “The Godfather”? He mentions to his girlfriend Kate that he is not his Mafia family, but he ends up being exactly like his father anyway. Families come along with the person you marry. There is no way around this, even if you try to extricate yourself.
2. Love isn’t enough. If that were the case, the divorce rate wouldn’t be as high as it is. Instead, practically every relationship would be destined for sublime happiness! Realty check: You have to work at relationships in order for them to work. Firstly, communication is by far the most important foundation you need. If you don’t talk and listen effectively, you won’t get far. Sweeping unspoken expectations and various other issues under the rug will only serve to fester until the straw breaks the camel’s back. Don’t skimp on this vital key to a healthy relationship!
There is also no way around the crises that will happen in life, so if you aren’t communicating in the first place as these occurrences come your way, it will be harder to weather them. You have to be consciously aware of how you express yourself: say what you need to say while being sensitive to your partner. And listen, listen, listen! Active listening with an open mind and heart shows a level of respect and caring that is necessary to making your partner feel safe and supported, e.g. no hidden agenda allowed!
3. Money does NOT solve problems. In fact, it can actually add to them. Research shows that couples whose income increases to a higher level than what they had in the beginning have more money problems. Certainly money can help with some things we all need in life, and having a little extra is great. But money can’t buy good health, personal happiness or a great marriage! If you believe that if you had more money, things would be better, what you’re really wanting is something other than money to change or be resolved. Yep, money can be a mask for underlying issues!
As our world changes and progresses, our expectations also change; this includes the expectations we have of our relationships. In today’s modern relationships, we really need to be as conscious about what we’re doing as we can. Then we’ll have the very best chance of our relationship having a fairy tale ending. So Spring into YOUR happily ever after. You deserve it!
About The Author: During the past 25 years, renowned relationship expert Dr. Patty Ann Tublin has helped hundreds of people rekindle romance and reignite passion in their relationships. The solutions in her Relationship Toolbox™ help couples re-build romance so intimacy inside and outside the bedroom can flourish. Through her successful 25-year marriage and her experience of raising 4 children, Dr. Patty Ann has earned an international reputation for saving relationships. To reignite your flames of passion, visit her site at www.drpattyann.com.
Source: Black Love & Marriage